Talking the Talk

truth != people + talking - emotions + data

everybody hurts1,2 sometimes

1: to cause emotional pain or anguish
2: to suffer emotional pain or anguish

Interruptio-

Classic Interruptions

Interjections

Pause Interruptions

"If two people who are talking have even slightly different expectations about how long to wait between turns, then the person who expects a slightly shorter pause will take a turn first - filling and then curtailing the pause that the other person is waiting for. I had a British friend who I thought never had anything to say... until I learned she was waiting for a pause to take her turn."

Deborah Tannen, The Pragmatics of Cross-Cultural Communication

Classic Interruptions

Interjections

Pause Interruptions

Overlap

knock knock

men interrupting women: 149 of 314 interruptions - 48%
men interrupting men: 63 of 314 interruptions - 20%
women interrupting women: 89 of 314 interruptions - 28%
women interrupting men: 13 of 314 interruptions - 4%

Strategies

The 5-Second Rule

Things to Say

Phrases

"Excuse me, Sam didn’t seem like she'd finished her thought."
"Sam, were you done talking? I couldn't tell."
"Hold on a sec, I'm not quite finished."
"Hey, Sam, you cut me off a few times. Please let me finish."

Strategies

The 5-Second Rule

Things to Say

The Buddy System

Taking Stack (formal conversations)

Strategies

Speak less or not at all

When you're controlling: things to say

Phrases

"That's a bit off-topic - feel free to disregard it."
"But please, continue with what you were saying."
"If you don't mind, I'd like to talk about..."
"What do you think?"
"I feel like I've been dominating the conversation, my apologies. I’ll take a step back."

Strategies

Speak less or not at all

When you're controlling: things to say

When you're being controlled: things to say

Phrases

"Why do you get to decide what we talk about?"
"Don't ask me any more questions. I'm feeling pressured."

"I'd like to get back to what Sam was saying before."
"That's interesting, but maybe part of a different conversation."
"As I was saying earlier..."

so much more

Geek Feminism Wiki: Silencing, Microaggressions
Derailing for Dummies
Devil's Advocacy by s.e. smith
Dr. Deborah Tannen's research

yeah, it's hard

truth = people + talking + empathy + mindfulness + hard work + ???

References

Deborah Tannen. The Pragmatics of Cross-Cultural Communication, Applied Linguistics, 1984.
Kieran Snyder. How to Get Ahead as a Woman in Tech: Interrupt Men, Slate, 2014.

Credits

Staircase, by Leo Hidalgo. CC BY 2.0
A Cow, by b3d_. CC BY 2.0
Thanks to Ashe Dryden for putting this evening together.